With CLE‘s upcoming workshop for singles right around the corner, I have been challenged to think about a group that often gets overlooked despite the fact that we all have belonged to it at one point or another or are a part of it right now. I’m talking about single people!
How appropriate with Valentine’s Day just passing! I remember my single days calling it “Singles Awareness Day” or S.A.D. for short. What a bummer. If that’s not enough to get you clued in, let me spell it out: I was a pretty crummy single. I fell into playing the victim role around my singleness.
It’s easy when you’re single to notice how happy everyone else is. I remember studying psychology and noticing that research felt a little biased against me. Studies always seemed to show that married people were so darn happy. Television and movies showcased other people finding or navigating romantic love. Even the Bible seemed to be against me! All these passages about love and marriage – even Christ being the bridegroom of the Church! And all single people ever got was 1 Corinthians chapter 7 (“Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion”), which was (unsurprisingly) incredibly confusing for me to grasp.
The majority of my intention and energy surrounded becoming un-single. In a lot of ways I was girl-crazy (hey, it was college after all).
What I was unwittingly doing was focusing on what I wasn’t rather than developing what I was. I wasn’t trying to understand myself at all. I was trying to find happiness and I thought that I could only get it from somewhere outside. Do you ever hear yourself saying this: “I don’t need to change, I just need to get (insert job / possession / person here).” I wanted change in my life – I just wanted it to come from the outside.
This misconception that we often get seduced into believing is disempowering. According to research, only about 10% of our happiness comes from our circumstances. That means that 90% of our happiness comes from who we are and the choices we make. That’s a hard sell to explain to a lot of people – myself included. TV tells me that if I just get more, I’ll be happier. It’s harder to believe that being responsible with my emotions, choices, and relationships will lead to lasting contentment.
Take a minute to do an honest inventory: Where do you expect happiness to come from? Maybe you expect it to come from somewhere even if you know better. Maybe you’re tapping a dry well.
My desire to “get the girl” was just one of the misguided strategies I’ve tried in my life. What I didn’t see in the moment was an opportunity to accept my circumstances and seek growth. Change without growth generally gets us in more trouble than we expect. Grow as a person and change will occur naturally. From the inside out.
* * * * * * * *
Consider attending CLE’s Workshop for Singles!
RSVP with me or CLE staff before the event for $5 off door price.
Friday, March 4 · 6:30pm – 9:00pm
at Indigo Studios * 213 W Institute #704 * Chicago, IL
Click here for a link to the Facebook Events Page
